Animal Planet!
by JouYu
Summary: Another spell from Marik...and this time, it goes all wrong! The YGO gang is turned into animals! Bunnies and doggies and kitties, oh my!
1. Marik's Spell

* * *

Animal Planet!  
  
By JouYu  
  
DISCLAIMER: We know this is a shock to you, but...WE DON'T OWN YU-GI-OH!!!!  
  
Chapter One

Marik's Spell That Shoulda Gone Right, But Didn't!  
  
"Wow, guys! I can't wait 'til we get there! It's gonna be so cool!" Yugi chattered happily as the gang walked down the street.  
  
"I dunno, Yug. I haven't seen this place yet...but this invitation says it's around here somewhere," Joey replied, scowling at the little white paper in his hand.  
  
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO A DISPLAY OF MAGICAL PHENOMENA!  
12345 Happy House Drive SHOW STARTS AT 10:30 AM!

"It sure sounds fishy to me," grumbled Tea. "I'd have to say that I've never heard of Happy House Drive." Joey made a noise of agreement.  
  
"Ah, c'mon guys!" Yugi protested cheerily. "Just 'cause we've never heard of it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist!"  
  
The other three cast him an exasperated look. "Yugi, your problem is that you're too bubbly, happy and optimistic," Tristan said. Yugi's eyes widened in shock.  
  
"What?!" he exclaimed. "Nuh-uh! I'm just looking on the bright side of things!"  
  
"Yep. Optimistic."  
  
"What's wrong with that?!"  
  
"Hey...look at that...sign," Joey said flatly, pointing at a rather peculiar street sign ahead of them. It was a normal sign, except for the fact that is looked like it had been made by a three-year-old high on sugar.  
  
"Well, we're here!" Yugi chirped. "See? I TOLD you!"  
  
The others looked at him, then back at the suspicious sign. "I dunno, guys. Does anyone else get the feeling that the sign was especially put here just for us?" asked Tea, glaring at the piece of paper taped onto the street sign.  
  
"Yeah," Tristan agreed. "I'm pretty sure this street is called something else."  
  
"Something Else Street? That's about as stupid as Happy House Drive!" Joey said with a laugh.  
  
Tristan slapped his face. "No, Joey, you idiot! It's...never mind."  
  
Yugi began to bounce up and down, flailing his arms. "Oh, come on, guys! Stop wasting time! Let's get in there already!"  
  
"But, Yugi...don't you think it looks just a LITTLE bit suspicious?" asked Tea. "I mean, look at the house! It's practically falling apart!"  
  
"But that's the cool part!" Yugi protested. "What better place to have a creepy magic show than in a creepy old house?!"  
  
His three friends sighed.  
  
"Alright, you win. Let's get this over with," Tristan grumbled, opening the door and stepping inside.  
  
Tea immediately clamped her hand over her nose upon stepping in the house. "Eeewwww!" she squawked in a nasal voice. "It SMELLS like it HASN'T been CLEANED in a WEEK!"  
  
"Ehehe, I think I know why," said Joey, pointing ahead of them.  
  
"What are YOU doing here, mutt?!" a familiar, angry voice called out.  
  
"Hello to you to, Kaiba," Joey said pleasantly. "Sheesh, man! Don't you rich people know what baths are?"  
  
Kaiba glared daggers at Joey. "WHAT? It's not ME stinking this house up; it's YOU! You filthy, dirty, slimy, mangy dog!"  
  
"YOU JUST SAY THAT AGAIN!" Joey roared, attempting to tackle Kaiba to the floor. Fortunately, Tea and Tristan held him back. "Hey! Leggo! Lemme at him!"  
  
"And what have we here?" a smooth voice asked, causing Joey to groan.  
  
"Not her...my day is getting worser by the second..." he whined.  
  
"What, aren't you happy to see me?" Mai asked sweetly. "And, you might not know this but, 'worser' isn't a word."  
  
"I don't give a damn," Joey said hotly.  
  
"I say! Who's using foul language in here?" asked a British accent.  
  
"Hey, Bakura! You're here too, huh?" Tristan asked, slapping the white-haired boy on the back.  
  
"Seto...when's the magic show gonna start?" asked a small voice from behind Kaiba.  
  
Joey's face lit up in an evil grin. "Whhhaaaattt? Kaiba bwought his wittle bwother? How cute!" he cackled.  
  
"One more word, mutt, and you won't be recognizable," Kaiba told him calmly.  
  
"Ah, shut up, chicken boy."  
  
"CHICKEN BOY?! SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU LIMP NOODLE!"  
  
"DDDDIIIIEEEE!"  
  
At that moment, the door to the hallway opened of its own accord. "Right this way, please," an oddly familiar voice floated out to them.  
  
"Hey, guys. Is it just me, or did that sound like...Marik?" Tea asked slowly.  
  
Joey snorted in amusement. "Marik? Marik! Haha! MARIK can't do magic! All he can do is swing that stick of his around and make people his 'obedient mind slaves!' " he cackled, mimicking the Egyptian.  
  
"SILENCE! Uh...ahem. Follow me, please," the voice intoned.  
  
"You're right, Tea! That did sound like Marik!" Yugi exclaimed worriedly.  
  
"Oi."  
  
"Well, what are we waiting for, people? Let's go see some magic!" Joey said, clapping his hands and bounding merrily into the pitch black hallway.  
  
"You're an idiot, Wheeler," Kaiba sighed as he made to walk into the hallway.  
  
Joey stopped bounding and held up a hand to block Kaiba's way. "No, no no! I said PEOPLE!" he said evilly.  
  
"Then I guess that means YOU need to step aside!" snapped Kaiba, shoving Joey out of his way.  
  
"DITDITDITDIT!" Joey growled incomprehensibly.  
  
"Yeah, you're dit, all right."  
  
"KAAAIIIIIBBBAAAAA...!" Joey screeched. However, he was cut off by a cage falling out of nowhere and trapping the group inside of it.  
  
"I say! Where did this come from?" Bakura exclaimed, tapping one of the cage's iron bars.  
  
"Gee, that's a toughie! I dunno; THE CEILING?!" Joey roared in his face.  
  
"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Bakura apologized, bowing his way into a corner to escape Joey.  
  
Suddenly, panels in the ceiling slid aside, and gun-like machines pointed down at everyone inside the cage.  
  
"Those look like guns!" Joey exclaimed as though he had made the most ingenious observation.  
  
"Congrats, Wheeler. Did you figure it out all by yourself, or did Yugi have to help you?" Kaiba sneered. "Anyway...here's a doggy treat for you!"  
  
"Kaiba, I swear—"  
  
Joey didn't get to finish swearing, though. At that exact moment, the gun-things opened fire and...out came greenish, smelly gas.  
  
"Eew, fart gas," Joey said, staring meaningfully at Kaiba.  
  
"Go to he—" Kaiba began. He was not allowed to finish, however, before he keeled over onto the ground, fast asleep.  
  


"...What...happened?" asked Yugi groggily, attempting and failing to rub his eyes. He became wide awake upon noticing that he was tied to a chair, and so was everyone else. "Huh? What's going on here? Surely this isn't part of the magic show..."  
  
"Excellent deduction, Sherlock!" a too-familiar voice cackled insanely.  
  
"MARIK!" Yugi exclaimed angrily.  
  
"Yeah! It's me!" squeaked Marik happily, giving himself a hug.  
  
"I think he's finally lost his mind," Joey noted sleepily beside Yugi.  
  
"He never HAD a mind to begin with, mutt!"  
  
"Seto! I'm scared!"  
  
"It's okay, Mokuba. I won't let the mindless, insane maniac hurt you!"  
  
Marik stopped his cheery act at these words. "I am NOT a maniac! And I'm NOT mindless OR insane, either!"  
  
"Oh; coulda fooled me," said Tristan conversationally.  
  
"SILENCE, YOU BUFFOONS!" Marik screeched.  
  
"Yep, that's Marik," Joey said, as if there had been any doubt.  
  
"I SAID SILENCE! Ahem. Welcome, my most...PRESTIGIOUS guests," he began sarcastically.  
  
"Prestigious, my arse!" grumped Joey from his chair.  
  
Marik continued on in his speech, ignoring him for the time being. "Today, I have a most WONDERFUL surprise for you all!"  
  
"Oh, cut the drama and get to the point!" said Kaiba with a bored yawn.  
  
"SILENCE, BUFFOON!"  
  
"Hey! I'm not the buffoon; YOU ARE!"  
  
"I SAID SILENCE! THIS IS MY HOUSE, AND YOU DO WHAT I SAY IN MY HOUSE! GOT THAT?!" Marik shouted in Kaiba's face.  
  
"Did you know you spit when you talk?"  
  
"GRR!" Marik growled, giving Kaiba a sound smack before taking his place next to his table. "Anyway. I shall now turn you all into sniveling little animals! Bwahahahahahaha!"  
  
"You mean, like, kitties and stuff?" asked Joey stupidly.  
  
"No, Joey; he means like pet rocks," Tea replied dryly.  
  
"Oh! I don't...get it."  
  
"Oi."  
  
"SILENCE while I recite the spell! If you mess me up, it'll all go WRONG!" Marik hissed, picking up his paper.  
  
"Okay everyone, say 'crap' when he starts!" Joey said loudly.  
  
Kaiba gave a little chuckle. "Well, we all know what Joey's gonna be!"  
  
Joey narrowed his eyes. "Well, I know what you're gonna be, too: A SLUG!"  
  
"WHHHHAAAAT?!"  
  
"A little bit o' salt, and bye bye, Kaiba!"  
  
"YOU LITTLE IMP!"  
  
"Okay...so maybe a snail, then! But salt still kills them!"  
  
"I promise to hit you with my limousine when you're a dog!"  
  
"I don't think snails can drive..."  
  
"SSSSSIIIIILLLLLEEEEENNNNNCCCCEEEEE!" Marik shouted. "Now, I begin."  
  
Everything was quiet for a few moments as Marik recited Egyptian words off of his spell paper. Joey squirmed in his seat, not in the least bit anxious to find out what animal he was going to be turned into. Suddenly, he yelled out, "CRAP!" as Marik came to the key part of the spell.  
  
"Joey! What did you do that for?" asked Yugi, watching Marik finger the paper angrily. "If you messed him up...the spell could go WRONG!!"  
  
"Ah, phooey."  
  
Suddenly, the crystal ball beside Marik began to glow! "The spell is working! Even if you DID mess me up!" the Egyptian cackled maniacally. A light beam then shot out of the crystal ball and began to bounce on the victims' heads. Mai was the first to be touched. As the light touched her head, there came a POOF! and a puff of smoke.  
  
The light continued on down the row of people, stopping at Yugi. Or so Marik thought. But to his horror, as soon as Yugi vanished in a puff of smoke, the light turned its attention to Marik. "What?! NO! NO! NOOOOOoOOooooooOooo...." It hit him on the head. POOF!

* * *

JY: And yes, we quoted Mulan in this chapter. So kill us.


	2. Bunnies, Doggies and Kitties, Oh My!

Animal Planet!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Yu say: If KGB stand for 'Killer Germ-Infested Bunnies,' then we own YGO!  
  
Chapter Two

Bunnies, Doggies and Kitties, Oh My!  
  
POOF!  
  
The smoke in the room cleared away, revealing a row of chairs filled only by clothes. Clothes of the people that used to be sitting in them.  
  
Yugi opened his eyes and stared out at the big new world. Everything seemed ten times the size it had been before. "What happened?" he wondered aloud, attempting to stand up and immediately falling flat onto his face. "Erhm?" he grunted, then attempted to push himself up and saw his hands. Except they weren't his hands. They were little, white, furry...paws.  
  
"No. NO WAY!" he exclaimed, shaking in fear as he felt his face. His nose was wet. He felt for his ears, becoming more scared every second. They were not there. Yugi began to panic, and felt at the top of his head. There were two long furry things up there. He grabbed onto them and lowered them down into his line of vision, then let them go with a scream. "I'M A BUNNY!"  
  
"Ack! That hurt my ears!" Joey whimpered nearby. "Wait a minute..." he said, wondering exactly what that big yellow snout in front of him was. He lifted his hands to swipe the snout away...and saw big yellow paws instead.  
  
"Uh...Joey?" asked Yugi softly. "Joey...is that...you?"  
  
Joey looked behind him and saw a whip-like yellow tail wagging merrily. "Yugi...I'm a dog, Yugi!" he said mournfully. It was then he noticed Yugi's fur and ears. "Hahaha! You're a bunny, Yugi! Hahahahaha!" he barked.  
  
"Erhm...I know..." replied Yugi.  
  
"Squawk! I told you this was a stupid idea! Squawk!" The dog and bunny turned to see a brightly colored parrot, speaking with Tea's voice.  
  
"Hey...you're a birdie, Tea!" Joey said incredulously.  
  
"Squawk! So I noticed. Squawk!" Tea answered dryly.  
  
"Wow...everything got really big all of a sudden," said a little brown hamster sitting nearby. It sounded peculiarly like Tristan.  
  
"Is that you, Tristan!?" exclaimed Yugi. "Haha! I'm taller than you, now!"  
  
"I guess the bunny's Yugi..." said the hamster. "And wait...lemme guess...Joey, you're the dog, right? Haha!"  
  
Joey growled and bared his gleaming white canine teeth at Tristan. "Hey pal! Watch what you say, or I'll eat ya in one bite!"  
  
Suddenly Joey began sniffing around excitedly. "Hey guys! I smell...pussycat!"  
  
"There's a brown and white one sitting over there," offered Yugi the Bunny.  
  
"Come-no-closer!" the cat hissed as Joey began ambling his way toward it. "I said stay away, mutt!"  
  
Joey barked and grinned, wagging his tail eagerly. "Hey, Kaiba! You're a kitty cat! Nark!"  
  
"You just shut—cough cough cough! Hack hack cough!" The bunny, parrot, hamster and dog stared at the Seto kitty as he coughed and hacked uncontrollably. Suddenly a wad of cat hair erupted from his mouth and landed on the floor two inches away.  
  
"What...was...THAT?" asked Kaiba weakly.  
  
"That, my friend, was a hairball," said Joey gleefully.  
  
"Well, in that case...HAVE IT!" kitty Kaiba shouted, picking up the hairball with his paws and chucking it onto Joey's nose.  
  
"Hey! Arf arf!" whimpered Joey as he attempted to remove the slimy mass of hair from his nose. When finally the icky wad had been removed, he glared and bared his canines at Kaiba. "You're gonna pay for that, kitty boy!"  
  
"Damn right about that!" snarled the brown kitty. He sauntered arrogantly in perfect cat fashion past Joey, brushing his bushy tail under the dog's nose.  
  
"Get that filthy feather duster outta my face!" barked Joey menacingly.  
  
"If I want to, I will. And it's not a feather duster; it's my PUUURRRFEECT tail."  
  
"Well, it's a chew toy now!" said Joey, chomping down onto the cat's fluffy tail.  
  
"RRREEAAARROWWW!" screeched Kaiba, hissing and spitting at the dog. "You get your slobbery jaws off of my tail NOW!" he demanded haughtily.  
  
"Or what, huh? What can a little pussycat do to a big, strong Labrador?" Joey asked, still chewing on Kaiba's tail.  
  
"This." Kaiba held up his paws, and suddenly his claws sprung out and buried themselves in Joey's nose.  
  
"BBBBAAARROWWRRRARF!" Joey whimpered, immediately releasing his enemy's tail.  
  
"Eww, now it's covered in dog drool," Kaiba said with disgust as he picked up his tail and allowed it to flop wetly back onto the ground.  
  
Suddenly, his whiskers began to twitch and his ears perked straight up. "I smell...rat." Not far away he spied a little yellow rat, sitting on its haunches and sniffing forlornly at the air. With a lick of his jaws, he began to stalk the little creature.  
  
"Uh, what are you doing, Kaiba?" asked Yugi worriedly. "That could be Mokuba!"  
  
"No...sniff...it's not," replied Kaiba, not taking his eyes off the rat.  
  
"Then it's somebody else!" Yugi protested.  
  
"Maybe it'll be Marik and we'll rid the world of one slimy rat!" was the only reply he received.  
  
Abruptly, with lightning speed, he pounced onto the rat and clamped it in his jaws, returning to Yugi and the others with a smug cat look on his face.  
  
"EEEEEKKKK! If you don't put me down, Kaiba...I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed the rat with Mai's voice.  
  
"Oops," said Kaiba unrepentantly as he dropped Mai onto the floor. "Cat instinct, you know."  
  
Mai merely glared at him. "I have a right mind to bite your tail off!" she snarled.  
  
"Oh, go to that thing over there and eat the cheese," Kaiba said, pointing at a mouse trap a few feet away.  
  
Mai gaped at him indignantly. "Do you think I'm stupid?!" she hissed at him.  
  
"Well, you ARE a rat. And, rat's DO have little brains, so..."  
  
"DON'T finish that sentence."  
  
Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. "Hey, Seto! Where are you?" asked Mokuba's voice from somewhere above the others. Suddenly a large black hoof crashed to the ground, landing conveniently on Kaiba's tail.  
  
"RRREEAARRROOWWW!" screeched Kaiba, whipping around and sinking his claws into a horse's leg.  
  
"NEEIIIIGGGHHH! Ow, that hurt!" exclaimed Mokuba's voice from the horse's mouth. Kaiba blinked and removed his claws from the leg.  
  
"...Mokuba?" he asked. "Mokuba, is that you?" he asked, staring up at the immense animal before him.  
  
"Seto? Seto! You're a kitty! How cute!" exclaimed the horse as he lowered his muzzle to peer down at the cat.  
  
"And you're a...Shetland pony," stated Kaiba flatly. "Do me a favor and get off my tail, 'k?"  
  
"Oh, sorry!" said Mokuba, lifting his hoof off his brother's tail.  
  
Suddenly, a white streak of energy zipped by Kaiba and ran headlong into Joey, who was laying down. "Oooff! I say! What's this?" asked the ferret, gazing up at the big yellow dog.  
  
"...Bakura?" asked Yugi, hopping over to where the other sat.  
  
"Yugi? A bunny? And...Joey, right?" Bakura asked, staring at the dog.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, shut up," grumbled Joey.  
  
"Squawk! It looks like everyone is here but Marik! Squawk!" said Tea, flying down from her chair to land on Joey's head.  
  
"No bird crap on the fur, okay?" he ordered with a glance in the bird's direction.  
  
"Maybe he got turned into a bacteria cell and is gone from sight forever!" Yugi said wildly, hopping around happily.  
  
"Only you would think of that," sighed Tristan the brown hamster.  
  
"Hey, what's that green thingy over there?" boomed Mokuba, motioning with a hoof at the table with the crystal ball on top.  
  
"Hey, Kaiba!" barked Joey. "Go get it!"  
  
"I am not your servant, mutt!" hissed Kaiba, bringing forth his deadly claws.  
  
Joey grinned and bared his teeth. "Two bites, Kaiba. Two bites, and you're gone." He licked his lips for emphasis.  
  
"Hisssss....fine!" snarled Kaiba as he got up and walked toward the table. "You overgrown bag of slobber!"  
  
"What was that, Kaiba? I'm kinda hungry, ya know; haven't eaten all day!" Joey said, clamping his jaws.  
  
"Die," Kaiba whispered dangerously as he retrieved the green thingy from beneath the table. As he returned, he spat it out onto the ground. "Behold: it's a turtle."  
  
"Hey guys! That must be Marik!" Yugi exclaimed, hopping over to sniff the little green box turtle.  
  
"Away from me, Easter bunny!" screeched the turtle in Marik's voice. "Or I'll make you my obedient mind slave!"  
  
Joey barked amusedly. "With what, teenage mutant ninja turtle? Lookie over there! Your rod is ten times bigger than you! You can't use it!"  
  
"Did you just call me a teenage mutant ninja turtle?!" seethed the little green turtle-Marik.  
  
"Yeah, gotta problem with that?" asked Joey, allowing slobber from his tongue to fall onto Marik, who looked thoroughly disgusted. "Turtle, turtle!"  
  
"You buffoon!" yelled Marik menacingly. This did not have the desired effect.  
  
"Somehow, Marik, a turtle calling us buffoons just isn't intimidating," Tristan said with amusement.  
  
"Shut up, hamster boy! I'm bigger than you are!" Marik snapped moodily.  
  
"Yeah! Which means...you can be my go-kart!" the hamster exclaimed, leaping onto Marik's shell. "Actually, how 'bout a go-nowhere kart, 'cause you're so slow?"  
  
Kaiba suddenly got an evil grin on his face. "Hey Joey, isn't that the hamster that's supposed to be turning the wheel in your head that serves for a brain?"  
  
"Grrr! Watch it, Kaiba! Dogs like me eat kitties like you for breakfast!" Joey snarled warningly.  
  
"Psh. No, Joey. Dogs like YOU eat Kibbles 'n Bits," Kaiba stated.  
  
"You KNOW that Kibbles 'n Bits are made out of cat, don't ya?" asked Joey smartly.  
  
"No. They're made out of by-products from cows, pigs and sheep!"  
  
"Well as of today, they're made outta cat. Remember what I said earlier, Kaiba? Two bites. Kibble, bit. One, two. Better run, kitty, 'cause this dog's hungry!"  
  
"Phfffssssttt!" snarled Kaiba as he leapt onto Mokuba and then onto a nearby bookshelf. Joey ran to the bookshelf and barked at the brown cat hissing on top.  
  
Kaiba hissed again, then tucked his paws beneath his chest and curled his tail around him. "I am not afraid of you, slobber bag!" he stated.  
  
"Oh yeah? Then why's yer tail all poofed out, huh?" Joey asked, barking even louder.  
  
"I like it that way." The great fluffy tail swished serenely over the edge of the bookshelf.  
  
"Yer gonna get it, Kaiba!" growled Joey, ramming himself into the shelf. It tottered a bit and Kaiba almost slid off, but he grabbed onto the wood with his claws and hung on.  
  
Joey, on the other hand, was not so fortunate. Before he could run away, all of the books on the shelf fell off and landed on him. And they were thick, heavy books too, mind. Ouch.  
  
Kaiba smiled arrogantly at the scene before him, then leapt gracefully off the bookshelf and landed on the top of the book pile. Underneath him, Joey groaned and whimpered pitifully. "Cats rule and dogs drool, mutt," Kaiba stated. "It's a simple fact of life." With that, he began to swish his tail peacefully and cleaned his face with his white-tipped paw.

* * *

J: This crazy idea is courtesy of Yu.

Y: Yep! Don't know where it came from, but it's here! Kinda just popped into my head last night...

Joey: (pant, pant) Do I get to eat the kitty?

Seto: NO!

JY: Hmmm...we'll think about it, Joey.

Joey: Really? (wags tail)

Seto: (hisses loudly) How can you choose that slobber bag over a cat like me?

Y: Well...cats are my favorite animals! (picks up Kaiba and cuddles the kitty)

Seto: RREAARROWW! Put me down NOW! I am not a thing to be cuddled!

Y: Okay! (dangles Kaiba in front of Joey) Here boy! Wanna treat?

Joey: Yeah! Yeah! (pant, pant, wags tail)

Seto: NO! Cuddle me! Cuddle me!

Y: Okay! (cuddles Kaiba kitty)

Joey: Damn...I though I was getting a treat.

J: Maybe next time, sport.

Tea: Squawk! R&R please! Squawk!


	3. Enter the Yamis!

JY: Thanks for the reviews! We're glad you like the story so far!

DISCLAIMER: Random person say: DO YOU GUYS OWN YUGIOH? JY say: NO!

Chapter Three

Enter the Yamis!

After the episode with the bookcase, everyone now stood in a circle of sorts, trying to figure out what to do next. Joey lay sulking in a corner, glaring at Kaiba and imagining the brown and white cat on a dinner plate. "All right, Marik! It's confession time!" Tristan announced.

Marik merely stared at him. "A hamster...you know how UNmenacing that is?" he told the rodent.

"A turtle...you know how RETARDED that is?" Tristan retorted angrily.

Yugi sweat-dropped during this conversation. "Okay, guys, fighting isn't going to get us out of this mess!" he exclaimed.

Marik glared at Yugi and then sniffed contemptuously. "Hmph! As much as I hate to say it, you're right!"

Mai sat up on her haunches and stared at the evil turtle. "Okay, Marik...how do we change ourselves back?"

Marik thought for a moment, then shrugged. "There's a counter spell on the back of the paper," he said lamely.

Mai face-faulted. "And where's the paper?" she asked with impatience.

"Up there," answered Marik, pointing a stubby leg at the table. Everyone stared at the now-giant table far above them.

"Okay...sooo...how do we get it?" asked Joey as he ambled from his corner.

Seto swished his tail placidly and gave Joey the superior cat look. "Mokuba can get it for us, since he's as tall as the table, mutt." The Lab growled but did not reply. He knew better than to say anything at the moment...especially since Kaiba happened to be right, and he knew it.

"Really, big brother? I can help out?! All right!" boomed Mokuba, rearing back on his hind legs happily.

All the little animals below winced and covered their ears as best as they could. "Uh, Mokuba?" Yugi said timidly.

"Yeah?" asked the Shetland pony in a voice like thunder.

"Could you please _whisper?_" the bunny asked.

"I AM whispering!" replied Mokuba rather loudly.

"Well, whisper softer, dammit! You're hurting my ears!" Joey growled.

"DON'T YOU TALK LIKE THAT TO MOKUBA, MUTT!" Kaiba hissed. "I'll have him hold you down while I scratch you into ribbons!"

Joey yawned widely, blowing his stinky dog breath in Kaiba's face. "Oh, I bet you will," he said sarcastically as the kitty gagged from the smell.

"Uh...guys? Can I get the paper now?" asked Mokuba from above in a slightly softer voice.

"Squawk! Yeah, Mokuba! Get it! We need it NOW! Squawk!" Tea said encouragingly.

"All right, here I go!" sang out Mokuba joyfully while the others cringed.

"NOT SO LOUD!" they screeched as the younger Kaiba reached his muzzle over the table for the paper.

Suddenly, a gust of wind from out of nowhere swept the paper out of a window that wasn't previously there a second ago. Mokuba could only gawk as their final chance for freedom fluttered away.

"Did you get it?" asked Mai earnestly from below.

"Uh...no...it blew away out a window!" Mokuba replied sadly, lowering his head in defeat.

"I say! I don't remember seeing a window in this room!" Ryou commented. "And where did that breeze come from anyway?"

Joey was now growling and glaring suspiciously around the room. "I'll bet it was those damn authors!" he snarled.

Yugi gasped in fear and put his paws over his mouth. "Joey, don't say that! _What if they hear you_?"

"I don't giva—" Joey began.

BANG!

"—ouch..." the dog whimpered as a twenty-pound anvil landed on his head.

Yugi shook his head sadly. "I DID warn you..."

"I say! Where did that anvil come from?" Ryou asked, glancing up at the ceiling, which contained no secret compartment from which to drop a twenty-pound anvil.

"I don't care where it came from!" Joey snarled. "The fact is that it CAME, and whoever did it is gonna get it from ME!"

Just as this situation was about to turn ugly, the Millennium Items began to glow and out came:

"Yami?" Yugi said as the Pharaoh materialized in front of him.

"Bakura?" Ryou exclaimed as the tomb robber popped out of the Ring.

"Malik?" Marik said as his immature yami appeared in a puff of smoke.

"Huh? Ryou, was that you?" asked Bakura, looking around for his hikari and not finding him.

"There are spirits in this room! Evil spirits! I must exorcise them at once!" Yami exclaimed, taking up a mysterious stance.

Malik face-faulted. "Uh, you're a pharaoh, not a medium, Baka."

"Hey you floaty ghost things! Down here!" Joey barked up at the three yamis.

"There's spirits here, I tell you!" Yami insisted fanatically.

Malik raised an eyebrow. "And a dog, too," he commented, noticing Joey.

"Yeah! And a rat, and a hamster, and a bunny, and a turtle, and a—"

"I get the picture, Bakura," Yami said sniffily.

Malik squealed with joy as he noticed the animals and promptly sat down among them. "Wow, where'd all the aminals come from?" he asked as he attempted to pick Kaiba up.

"Away from me, slime!" the cat hissed as he sank his claws into Malik's arm.

"Ahhh, evil kitty! TO THE SHADOW REALM WITH YOU!" Malik exclaimed, preparing to blast Kaiba away.

"Wait, don't do it!" the little white bunny said just as he nearly completed the act.

Yami gave the bunny a curious glance, then knelt down and stared. "Yugi, is that you?" he asked, poking the bunny's chest with a finger.

"Yes, Yami. It's me." Yugi didn't sound enthused that his yami was poking him rather harshly. "Hey, cut it out, okay?"

"Hehe! You're a BUNNY!" exclaimed Yami with a clap and a smile.

"I am well aware."

By this time, Bakura and Malik had picked out their hikaris and were making fun of them as well. With all the noise and commotion, it was impossible to hear yourself think!

"Squawk! OKAY, PEOPLE! SHUDDAP! Squawk!" Tea screeched as she flew around the room, trying to restore order. "Squawk! HAVE WE ALL FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE PAPER???!!! Squawk!"

"Paper? What paper?" asked Malik in the middle of trying to pull Marik out of his shell.

"Oooo! Can I blow it up?" Bakura asked immediately.

"No Bakura," Ryou replied. "We need to USE that paper!"

Bakura snapped his fingers remorsefully. "Damn...Well, if I can't blow the paper up, I'll blow all of YOU up! LET THE FUR FLY! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"NOOOOO! You can blow it up after we use it, okay?" Ryou screamed, stopping Bakura in the process of casting a shadow spell.

"Deal!" Bakura said, giving the ferret a hearty smack that sent Ryou across the room.

"Uh...that wasn't very nice, Baka," Yami pointed out with a sharp glance at Bakura. Bakura shrugged nonchalantly.

"What do I care? It's just a white ferret," he said with a yawn.

Yami stamped his foot angrily and grabbed Bakura by his collar. "That FERRET happens to be your HIKARI!" he shouted in the other's face.

Bakura glared at Yami and swiped his hands away. "Get your slimy hands offa me, Baka Pharaoh!" he snarled.

"I am NOT baka!" replied Yami angrily, shoving Bakura into Malik (once again saving Marik from being yanked out of his shell!).

"Are too, Baka!" Bakura said, sticking out his tongue.

"Yeah! Baka Pharaoh!" Malik chimed in after dropping Marik and allowing the turtle to crawl away from harm.

"YOU'RE ALL BAKA!" Joey shouted at that exact moment.

"Nani?" asked all three yamis, looking at the dog hurtfully.

"All right, now that we have your attention..." Joey said, clearing his throat. "HEY! I SAID LISTEN!"

But the three fighting yamis paid the Lab no attention, as Bakura and Malik were engaged in a game of tennis, using Yami as the ball.

"Yugi, make them STOP!" Yami cried out from the air while the other two cackled evilly.

Yugi sighed and stared up at Yami in exasperation. "Yami, look at me. I am a BUNNY! I can't do ANYTHING!"

"I vote we go over there and bite their butts off," Joey said as he watched Yami bounce back and forth from Bakura to Malik.

Tristan sweat-dropped. "Uh, you go do that, Joey. But don't blame me when they blow you up into Kibbles 'N Bits."

"That's not funny, pellet boy!" snapped Joey moodily.

Mai, practically the ONLY one not fighting, sighed and crossed her paws. "Great. The paper has been blown away...Everyone is fighting...And we're not getting changed back JUST SITTING HERE!"

But, her voice was so small, that no one heard it.

Except, that is, for Seto.

He swished his tail in boredom of the scene before him. "Mokuba...go outside," he said suddenly.

"Huh? Why?" asked the Shetland pony nervously.

"Listen, just do it, 'k?"

"Out the window?! No way!"

"No, no, Mokuba; out the DOOR."

"Oh. Okay."

Everyone was so busy fighting with someone else that no one but Mai noticed him leave. "Kaiba, what are you up to?" she asked suspiciously.

"Just follow Mokuba out the door," he commanded her arrogantly.

She merely glared at him. "And what if I don't want to?"

In reply, Seto licked his lips and gave her a toothy grin of cat fangs. "Do you really have a choice?"

"Eeep!" Mai squeaked and scuttled away after Mokuba as fast as she could.

Seto watched her leave, and then turned his attention to the arguing people...er, animals and yamis.

"Hey, you! Bakura!" he suddenly exclaimed, drawing Ryou's yami's attention.

Bakura, who had been in the process of punching Yami, turned to glare at the cat. "WHAT!? Can't you see I'm busy?!" he exclaimed angrily, punching Yami for emphasis.

"NO, Bakura! Stop it!" Yugi pleaded from below, his little white paws curled up to his chest.

Bakura looked down at the bunny and plucked him up by the scruff of his neck. "You know? I think I'm gonna toss you out the window! Have a nice flight!" he cackled maniacally.

Seto, who did NOT like being ignored, suddenly hissed and jumped on top of Bakura's head as he was about to toss Yugi out the window. "REEARROOWWW!" he screeched, digging his claws into the spiky white hair.

"GAAAAAHHHHHHRRRR! YOU'RE GONNA DIE, CAT!" Bakura yelled, dropping Yugi and attempting to swat the little brown kitty off of his head. Just before Yugi hit the ground, Yami scooped him up out of midair and fled from Bakura's wrath.

In a corner not far away, a little white ferret was gaining consciousness. "...Crumpet?" he said as he woke up, blinking in confusion. Yami snatched Ryou too just as Seto leapt from Bakura's head and ran for the door.

"Get back here, cat! I ain't through with you! I'm gonna skin you alive, and blow you up, and make gloves outta your fur and sell them on Ebay!" Bakura screeched as he took off after Seto.

"And I am not through with YOU, Tomb Robber!" snarled Yami as he chased after the retreating figure to exact his revenge.

Joey, who had been arguing with Tristan, noticed Kaiba rush by in a whiz of fur, and let his animal instinct take over. "Ooo, kitty! Catch it! Rip it! Bite it! Kill it!" he barked happily.

"Wait, Joey!" Tristan exclaimed, grabbing onto the wagging tail and hanging on for dear sanity as the dog chased the cat.

"Aminals! Come back, aminals!" Malik squealed, noticing Joey running away. "Let's play Fetch the Hamster!" When Joey didn't stop running, the immature yami decided to run after him.

It was at that moment that Tea and Marik found themselves alone in the room. A cricket chirped in the sudden silence around them.

"Do you get the idea that we're the only ones here?" Marik asked a second later.

"Squawk! Yeah. Maybe we should go after them. Squawk!" Tea replied, flying down from her perch and scooping the turtle up in her claws.

"Yeow! Hey, Baka! Put me down NOW, or I shall make you my obed—"

"Squawk! Ah stuff it, Marik! We BOTH know you won't get out there for a year if I don't carry you! Squawk!" Tea interrupted.

She flew gracefully back up the hallway they had come down earlier and found everyone gathered outside at "12345 Happy House Drive." Everyone was outside. And they were fighting. AGAIN.

* * *

JY: (sigh) Well, at LEAST they're out of the house

Yami: Why did you let Bakura and Malik smack me!!!??? I demand a reason NOW!

JY: We are the Authors Almighty©! We don't have to provide a reason for the likes of you! Nya nya!

Yami: Grrr...I summon Dark Magician from the Shadow Realm! In attack mode!

JY: O.O YIKES! You can't do that! We're the Authors Almighty©!

Yami: Oh yeah?? DARK MAGICIAN! DARK MAGIC ATTACK!

JY: Eep! Uh...PLUSHIFY!

Dark Magician: (turns into chibi plushie)

Yami: Gasp! What have you done to my Dark Magician!?

Y: (picks up DM) Idn't it squee? (huggles plushie)

Yami: Squee??? Nani?

J: It means cute in her language...

Yami: But...but...how could you DO such a HORRID thing??!!

J: (pats Yami on back) It's okay, Yami. You'll live.

Y: (dancing and singing) Plushie, plushie, plushie! SQEEE!

Yami: (sweat-drop) Uh...readers, HELP ME! Review so she'll turn him back to normal!!! PLLLEEEAASSSEEE!

Note: Authors Almighty© is our new trademark!


End file.
